Come Back To Me
by Shutterbug5269
Summary: What if Rick had had a different reaction to Kate's secret being revealed in the interrogation room? VERY AU after 47 Seconds. Based on a prompt from Louise McDoogle. Her words used with permission. Now with new Cover art by Detective Angie
1. Chapter 1

**Come Back To Me**

Kate had told him on the swings after her summer of self imposed exile that their relationship wouldn't, couldn't progress into something more until she had solved her mother's murder. That she couldn't be free to have the kind of relationship she wanted to have until it was put to rest. Not long after that, Smith had told him that if she continued to investigate, if she didn't stand down, then she would wind up dead. Smith never said anything about him. If he went behind her back, however (like he had when he first gotten Esposito to show him her mother's case file) and she found out about it, she would surely end everything- their friendship, their partnership, any chance at a future together. Any possibility of a "them."

Yet with every passing day, he loved her more deeply. Every single day he was with her he felt his priorities shift just a little bit more, until her obsession had become his. Her life becoming more important to him than his own. With Alexis on the cusp of adulthood, he felt his primary purpose in life nearly completed. Soon she would need him to step aside so she could have her own life. He was becoming superfluous...unnecessary.

He was willing to wait for Kate to be ready. Honestly, he really was. He had already shown that he could and would wait for her, as long as it took, no matter how much it hurt. Always, he'd said to her more than once, and he meant it with every fiber of his being. It was exquisite torture to be around her every day, to see her face light up when he stepped off the elevator with two coffees; to build theory with her, finishing each other's sentences; to find themselves in life and death situations; to share looks and glances and titbits of his life with her, and having the honour of her doing the same- slowly, oh, so slowly, peeling back layer after layer of the Beckett onion.

Montgomery had once said that the secret to a lasting relationship was simply to keep showing up, and he was determined to do just that, for as long as she would allow it. If he told her he loved her, she would take flight. Run away as fast as her long legs and battered heart could take her, like she had this past summer. She would build her wall thicker, higher and more impenetrable than ever before.

If he told her about Smith or his own continued secret investigation, she would cut him off altogether. If she investigated it herself, she would die. While it remained unsolved, she would not move forward with him even though every day she seemed to be closer and closer, more and more open. He wanted her to be happy. To have a long happy life. Hopefully with him.

So he decided to do the only thing he could do for her. Encourage her to step back from the rabbit hole and plunge himself into that life choking darkness instead. Unlike last time, this time he really would do it for her.

* * *

"_I was shot in the chest, and I remember every _second_ of it"_

Rick was shocked when he heard her confession to a _suspect_ of all people. Hurt and dismayed that she would keep this from him, lie about it for months. Her disappearance that summer was brought into sharper focus now. Made even more sense. In her eyes he was just like Josh. She really liked him, but didn't love him. Not the way he loved her.

It made things easier in a way. She would be able to move on more easily if the dark path he was on took a more dangerous turn. The inevitable conclusion he was moving inexorably toward even as he lured her away from a similar fate. He loved her. Loved her so much it hurt. So much that he could not live without her. Loved her enough to do what needed to be done. Even if she never spoke to him again.

* * *

Twenty five novels notwithstanding there was in truth only one good thing he and Meredith had ever added to the world after nearly a lifetime between the two of them of taking what they wanted from it.

Alexis.

He had been to see his lawyer that evening. Made changes to his will to see to it the two women he loved most were cared for. Kate Beckett would never have to work another day for the rest of her life is she so chose. He knew she would anyway, this job was how she honored her mother, she would never be able to walk away. But now she would have options, safer options, more life affirming options. Be able to chase light when the darkness of her job became to much.

The greatest gift he would ever bestow upon the world would never lack for family or support if the worst should come to pass. Kate would protect his daughter in ways he couldn't. Help her through her grief, shepherd her through the wrong turns she herself made along the way.

He had named her father, Jim Beckett as executor of his will. Kate's father was the only man he knew whom he trusted enough to see to it his wishes were carried out. To be the grandfather she never got to have. Kate's family at the precinct would close ranks around his little girl as well. She would not be alone with her grief like Kate had been, there would be others to help her bear the burden if his life should become forfeit.

Ryan and Esposito would walk barefoot over fire and broken glass for her. He had seen it in their eyes when she had shown up at the precinct during the Haley Blue case. When Esposito had folded a Gang Unit Detective named Slaughter over like a card table when he had gotten too fresh with her in the morgue after he had been assigned to work a case with the man.

Lanie would be there for her, too. She would be the one who could tell Alexis when she was pushing herself too hard, carrying to much on her slender shoulders. Like she had only a few days ago as the bombing victims came in and "Little Castle" had refused to go home, even though she was wrung out.

His course was set. He would correct the mistake he had made three years ago with his thoughtless meddling in something that wasn't his business to poke around in. No matter what the cost.

It was time to finish this. Time to set Kate free from the shackles that bound her to her tragic past so that she could have a future with somebody she loved. Even if it wasn't with him. She would hate him for what he was about to do, pull away and never speak to him again regardless.

It was better this way.

* * *

Rick continued to work at the precinct, never letting on to Kate that he had overheard her confession in interrogation room two. Had gone undercover with her at the behest of Inspector Colin Hunt. Danced with her as they found the evidence that broke the case wide open. She never once guessed what he was doing in his downtime when he was supposedly in the Hamptons "writing" his next book. Sending everything he found to both Mr. Smith, and to Agent Gray as insurance. Until Smith ended up dead on Perlmutter's slab.

* * *

One week before Alexis' graduation from high school Rick walked out of the precinct and never made it home. His broken, battered body had been dumped in Kate Beckett's parking space at the 12th Precinct four days later, barely clinging to life, causing her world to come screeching to a complete halt and be violently turned upside down.

* * *

She never once left his side. Even as she sent Alexis and Martha home every night. The television on every night as he lay in the hospital bed. Two uniformed officers guarding his door. (tonight it was LT and Velasquez) The television on for noise though she barely heard the commentator as she droned on.

"_...and now in National news, the body of United States Senator William H. Bracken R-NY was found dead in his Georgetown home of an apparently self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Near his body was a signed suicide note in which he detailed his involvement in the 1999 murders of Johanna Beckett, her legal aide staff, as well as the murder of NYPD Police Captain Roy Montgomery and the attempted assassination of Detective Kate Beckett at his funeral the following week. Washington DC Police, the US Secret Service, the NYPD and the FBI have been contacted but they have refused to comment as they are investigating other criminal activity brought to light as a result of search warrants executed on his Senate office and Manhattan family compound..."_

The only thing she could see was him. The only sound she processed was the beeping of the heart monitor and the rhythmic sound of the the life support equipment breathing for him.

Whomever had taken Rick had tortured him savagely. All of the fingers on both of his hands had been broken, he had been beaten and had at least two broken ribs. His body showed signs that both water-boarding and electrocution techniques had been employed. What had truly caught her attention was the report after CSU had processed the blood under his fingernails.

DNA that was a 98.44% match to the that found on the rifle that had shot her last year. Her shooter had obviously thought Rick had found something.

One of the rare times she had left his side had been to go to his apartment. She had been horrified when she had seen his smart board with her own eyes. A single thought hammering in her brain.

"_What have you done, Rick? What have you done?"_

* * *

She kept coming though. Kept showing up at his bedside, staying until the nurses threw her out. Barely thinking to feed herself, until Alexis started showing up with food and made her eat. She had never seen it, never once saw anything in Rick's eyes that led her to believe he was chasing this in her place. She couldn't track where the change in him had come from. _"Some detective you are, can't even read your own partner." _she admonished herself harshly.

That was until Javi provided the missing piece to the puzzle. He had come to tell her about his own brush with the investigation set off by Bracken's "suicide," and she had blurted out what was on her mind.

"_You didn't know? Castle's been off since after the bombing...he'd come out of the viewing room after watching you work that pickpocket, looking like somebody had shot his dog."_

After that everything had fallen into place. It was the lie...the big one. He'd gone out and thrown his life away because of biggest most hurtful lie she had ever told. The one she now wished desperately she could take back as she softly brushed his hair aside and kissed his pale forehead.

"Rick...I love you...I love you. I'm so sorry."

As the tears flowed unabated down her cheeks, she only hoped that somewhere in his comatose brain, her partner, the man she loved could hear her.

"I'll be right here, Rick, as long as it takes. Please come back to me."

* * *

_**Author's note** Please don't hate me too much! I'm gearing up for the ficathon, but I practically begged Louise McDoogle to show this paragraph she wrote to me and then it put this in my brain and I needed to get it out. Yes it's super angsty. But the imagery would not leave me alone. _

_I write angst though...what do you expect from me? It is my nature._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's note** Since everybody was so very insistent that I continue, I suppose I have been left with little choice in the matter. I shall remind you of a very old proverb my mother used to tell me. "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." :-P_

* * *

**Chapter Two**

_Liberty or death, what we so proudly hail  
Once you provoke her rattling of her tail  
Never begins it, never but once engaged  
Never surrenders, showing the fangs of rage_

_Don't tread on me_

_So be it  
Threaten no more  
To secure peace is to prepare for war_

_So be it  
Settle the score  
Touch me again with the words that you will hear evermore_

_Don't tread on me._

Metallica

* * *

_It was the lie...the big one. He'd gone out and thrown his life away because of the biggest most hurtful lie she had ever told. The one she now wished desperately she could take back as she softly brushed his hair aside and kissed his pale forehead._

"_Rick...I love you...I love you. I'm so sorry."_

_As the tears flowed unabated down her cheeks, she only hoped that somewhere in his comatose brain, her partner, the man she loved could hear her. _

"_I'll be right here, Rick, as long as it takes. Please come back to me."_

* * *

Kate Beckett sat on the couch in the Castle loft mindlessly flipping through the channels on the television set, barely lighting on a station before searching some more. The nurses had ejected her from Rick's room again and Martha had refused to let her go home to suffer in silence, alone in her apartment where she felt she deserved to be. Alone with her guilt, alone with the price of her lies.

Kate could tell that Alexis was in shock and was only going through the motions with her...being polite for her father's sake, made sure she ate because her father would have. Because her grandmother had set the pace of their interactions. Kate could see the slowly smoldering fury building behind the young woman's eyes every time they were in the same room together. She wondered how long it would take before that slowly simmering rage finally boiled over.

Kate knew she would stand and take it, no matter what form Alexis Castle's rage took. Every angry word, every punch and kick the girl threw at her. She would get back up and let her have at it until the girl's anger was spent, so that when (not _if _dammit, _when) _Castle woke up, the healing could begin. For all of them.

"_I have it coming...in spades."_ she thought to herself.

Kate could not understand why Martha was being so nice to her, so kind and gentle and understanding with her. _She _was the reason her son was lying in a hospital bed with a tube down his throat and machines breathing for him. It was _her _fault...Kate Beckett and her lies.

* * *

She had been to see Dr. Burke that morning. Told him everything that had happened. That Rick had discovered her lie in the worst way possible. That she had kept him waiting too long.

He had tried to remind her that she hadn't been running, she'd been healing, but she would have none of it. Stood up and shouted at him, her voice breaking with it.

_"I lied to him...about the one thing he had every right to know. I kept telling that lie...so often I almost started to believe it...he should have heard it first from me not have heard me use it to wring a confession from a suspect...he almost died...Almost got himself killed thinking I don't love him back!"_

The session had gotten her nowhere...her only the progress was the realization that she _should _have told Rick before now...even if she hadn't been ready for anything else with him at the time.

* * *

_"I pushed him away for three years...lied to him all this past year...broke his heart...why would he want to give his life for someone as broken as me?" _She thought sullenly to herself, trying to summon the anger she felt last year before Roy's death in the hanger. The anger she thought she should be feeling because Rick had gone behind her back and investigated her mother's murder without her..._again_.

But every time she tried...her mind went back to the words he'd said as she bled out on the grass, just before the lights went out. The words she had told him more than once, lied more than once, that she didn't remember hearing. The words he hadn't spoken again since. The truth of which she had acknowledged to a suspect to elicit a confession, but not to him, the man who most deserved to know. The words that echoed in her brain every time she'd lied to him.

_"Kate, I love you...I love you Kate."_

* * *

Kate finally set down the remote after stopping on CNN. The reporters had only stopped repeating the news of the attack on Castle because they had bigger fish to fry. The Senator's apparent suicide had chewed up the airwaves for days. She had barely paid attention until now.

_"Sources within the Washington DC Police revealed that they and the FBI are on the lookout for a member of Senator Bracken's security detail named Cedric Marks AKA Cole Maddox as a person of interest in the criminal activity outlined in his suicide note. Marks is sought most notably in connection with the shooting of NYPD Detective Katherine Beckett last year. In an official statement released earlier this afternoon, Marks is to be considered armed and dangerous if seen call..."_

Kate snatched up the remote and rewound the report. Listened to it three times before she paused it on the Capital Hill ID photo of Cedric Marks. Slowly her tears dried up and her grief slipped away...pushed to the back of her mind. The empty place in her heart slowly filling with a rage she had once reserved for her mother's case. She rose from the couch headed for the bathroom, where she stripped off her comfortable clothes and stepped into the shower.

As the hot water hit her face and body...washing away her tears and her streaked makeup... her mind switched gears. The nineteen year old girl who had lost her mother, the woman who had nearly lost the man she loved, were being subsumed by more recent events. Information was rattling off in her mind as the hot water washed away all traces of Katie...

_DNA under Rick's fingernails and on his body are a 99.44 % match to that found on the rifle that shot me._

_Cedric Marks (also known as Cole Maddox) is wanted in connection to my shooting._

_If Maddox had shot me...then he had tortured Castle._

* * *

The woman who emerged fully dressed from Richard Castle's bathroom was not the guilt ridden, grief stricken creature who had walked into it. Kate slid on her four inch heeled biker boots over her dark jeans. Slipped on the necklace bearing her mother's ring, put on her father's watch and slipped on her black leather jacket. Her gun and badge on prominent display on her belt.

Almost as an afterthought, she slipped one of Rick's Mont Blanc pens from his desk and slid it into her jacket pocket. A talisman for the life she was now fighting for.

* * *

Kate stalked from Rick's loft with a single minded purpose she had not possessed since before her shooting. As she had told _"Trapper John" _earlier this year, she wasn't going out to look for Cole Maddox, she was going to _hunt. _The man who had shot her last year, the same man who had tortured Castle nearly to death was out there somewhere and she was going to find him.

_Detective _Kate Beckett was going hunting. God help anyone who got in her way.

Dead or alive, she was bringing Cole Maddox in.

As Kate Beckett walked out of Rick's building, she had no idea she was being watched. A dark colored sedan with tinted windows sat parked on the street, the engine running. The unseen driver watching her slide into her Crown Victoria and pull into traffic, then pulling out to follow her.

Just like her mother's case had been _before_ Bracken's death. This was bigger than Kate realized.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

* * *

_I've seen angels fall from blinding heights  
But you, yourself are nothing so divine,  
Just next in line._

_Arm yourself because no-one else here with save you.  
The odds will betray you,  
and I will replace you.  
You cant deny the prize it may never fulfill you,  
It longs to kill you.  
Are you willing to die?_

_The coldest blood runs through my veins  
You know my name._

Chris Cornell, "You Know My Name"

* * *

_Previously_

_Kate stalked from Rick's loft with a single minded purpose she had not possessed since before her shooting. As she had told "Trapper John" earlier this year, she wasn't going out to look for Cole Maddox, she was going to hunt. The man who had shot her last year, the same man who had tortured Castle nearly to death was out there somewhere and she was going to find him. _

_Detective Kate Beckett was going hunting. God help anyone who got in her way._

_Dead or alive, she was bringing Cole Maddox in._

_As Kate Beckett walked out of Rick's building, she had no idea she was being watched. A dark colored sedan with tinted windows sat parked on the street, the engine running. The unseen driver watching her slide into her Crown Victoria and pull into traffic, then pulling out to follow her._

_Just like her mother's case had been before Bracken's death. This was bigger than Kate realized._

* * *

When Kate Beckett stepped out of the elevator onto the 12th Precinct Homicide floor, the first thing she found was bedlam. Patrol officers, detectives and feds were all over the place. It was an exercise in controlled chaos. She hadn't expected so much activity, she had thought she could be in and out quickly just to talk with the boys and be out the door.

Now it wasn't going to be nearly so easy.

She lowered her head and plowed through the maelstrom but as she approached her desk her heart dropped out. She hadn't left the precinct the entire three days Rick was missing, even spending the night on the couch in the break room. Lanie had been kind enough to fetch her clothing and flats from her place. She hadn't been back since she had stumbled upon Rick in her parking space a week ago.

Captain Gates had told her to take all the time she needed to look after her ersatz partner. She had been prepared for a lot of things, when she walked in here after over a week away, but not for this.

Rick's chair was _gone_ from beside her desk, like it had never been there, like Rick had never been here. Taken away, like Rick had been taken from her.

Kate's control slipped, and she completely lost it.

* * *

Half an hour later

Kate was sitting, ensconced on the couch in the break room, her socked feet curled under herself, boots on the floor, trying to get her breathing under control. It would have been hard enough to look at Rick's empty chair next to her desk, knowing he would not be getting off the elevator, coffee in hand, any time soon. She might have been able to hold it together, enough to lead the charge to find Maddox, but to see it just...gone...had just been too much. She had gone completely ballistic, shouting at the top of her lungs about Rick's missing chair.

Espo had half dragged, half carried her in here to help her salvage some of her dignity. She recalled offering only halfhearted, token resistance as she tried not to sob into his ear.

"_That's Castle's chair! They had no right...he's not gone...he's coming back, Goddammit!"_

She remembered saying those words...fighting back the tears treacherously welling up in her eyes as the solid form of Javier Esposito pulled her in here dropped the blinds and closed the door behind him to collect herself while he saw to retrieving Castle's chair.

Kate had thought she'd been in control when she left the loft, she really thought she had been. But now she was left to wonder if coming in had been a mistake. She gathered herself back up and put her heels back on, hoping to salvage the situation. Thankfully Captain Gates had not been around to witness her unusual display of histrionics, and her boys weren't going to say anything.

When she returned to her desk, the chair next to Javi's was conspicuously missing and she could sense every eye in the squad room on her. Most were sympathetic, some not so much so, but by the time Gates had returned from her meeting downtown, the blue wall of silence had descended. If Iron Gates found out, it wouldn't be from any of them. Most of the precinct had not forgotten that Gates was from IAB and old habits died hard.

Castle's chair was back where it belonged. It wasn't nearly enough, but it would be enough for now.

About an hour later, the elevator doors opened to reveal Captain Gates with Alexis Castle in tow. Alexis still wearing her scrubs from OCME under her jacket. It warmed Kate's heart that she wasn't the only one trying to keep busy between visiting hours at the hospital. Only so many people were permitted to stay in Rick's room at one time and by silent agreement that person turned out to be Martha. It wasn't that she and Alexis didn't want to be there in case something happened, it was just that sitting vigil by his bedside was not getting them anywhere. Like Alexis, she needed to keep busy...do be able to DO something. If they had been stuck in the ICU lounge for that long, she could tell that Alexis would have exploded.

As Gates disappeared into her office, Kate had expected Alexis to gravitate toward Ryan and Esposito, like she had previously and was mildly surprised when the high school grad stopped in front of her desk with a coffee cup from the place her father frequented, a nervous expression on her face, like she'd been put on the spot.

"Grande skim latte with two pumps of sugar free vanilla, right?"

"Thank you. Alexis, it's perfect. Just what I needed."

Kate wasn't so much touched, that Alexis knew how she took her coffee, (considering her last name was Castle she wasn't surprised) but that she had made the gesture at all. All was not yet right between herself and the teenager. It hadn't been since she had come back into her father's life after that summer.

Her fondest desire was to have a chance to set right everything she had made a mess of since her shooting, both with the young redhead and her father. He had to make it, he just had to. She had so much to make up to him for, so much that needed to be said.

She only hoped that time was on her side.

* * *

_**Elsewhere**_

Cole Maddox sat in his hotel room, paid for with cash, his face disguised, though on the side of town he had taken to staying in, nobody was likely to drop a dime on him. It was a pretty seedy "no tell" motel in Washington Heights. He was surprised the place had WIFI.

He had been returning from a job for one of his other clients down the coast when the news dropped about the sudden, but entirely predictable, end for Senator William Bracken. The man had been playing both ends against the middle since the early nineties, and had only become more insular and paranoid over the years, especially since Michael Smith had proposed his little "deal" after Beckett's shooting.

Nobody had expected her to make such a full recovery and return to work, so it had been an easy deal for Bracken to make at the time, he understood it. A wound like that _should_ have ended her career in law enforcement. Making that deal had been less risky than an attempt to finish the job in the hospital. It was one of the few reasonable decisions the man had made recently. Her shooting had caused enough of a political and media shitstorm in New York. He had barely been able to exfiltrate the cemetery and get out of the city.

When Bracken had discovered that the writer had been investigating on his own, when he was supposed to be keeping Detective Beckett from doing so, however, the Senator told him an example needed needed to be made.

His job had been twofold, for which he had been paid handsomely.

First, learn how much Richard Castle had found out and whom he had told. Especially if it was Detective Beckett. For a man who had spent the majority of his life in the lap of wealth and luxury he had refused to break. He had spent three days and multiple torture techniques trying, with little results, even after he had broken all of the man's fingers personally, one at a time.

Other than the name of a CIA operator named _"Mr. Gray" _he had gotten little or nothing out of the man. He had to grudgingly admit to being impressed with the man's loyalty to Detective Beckett. He had taken all of that pain and given up nothing but a name that was likely just an agency pseudonym. One that had probably been changed twice by now.

Second, send a message to the good detective, that continuing on this course would be hazardous to her health. His orders had been quite specific, Richard Castle was to be found alive. He had kept that part of the deal, but only just barely. The writer was in intensive care on life support, obviously the man he'd assigned to soften Castle up had been a bit too heavy handed. His lungs had been compromised.

What he had found most odd, was the look in the Senator's eyes when he'd been paid the second half of his fee, one that that Maddox had never seen from the man before. Fear, mixed with dread. There was something he had not been told, of that he was certain.

Thirty six hours later, Bracken was dead.

Maddox was too smart to believe the suicide story. He'd staged more than one of those himself. His contact in the Senator's office had filled him in, just before he'd gotten out of DC. The body of his contact would never be found. He needed to cut bait and fast.

The following evening, an automatic transaction payment had been transferred to his Swiss Bank account, before transferring immediately to one in the Cayman Islands. It was the agreed upon fee for one last bit of business. Only two words had been transmitted.

_Terminate Beckett_

Though he seriously considered just disappearing, he was a professional. Dead client or not, he had accepted a contract, and he would carry it out. He had a reputation to protect, and this business was, quite literally, cutthroat.

He would need to create a whole new set of identities for himself when this was done. Both the Cole Maddox and Cedric Marks identities (the only ones Bracken knew about) had been compromised. His backup "get out of Dodge" identity would not hold up under close scrutiny, and his real name he saved for travel outside the US, so he needed to finish this quickly.

He knew exactly who and what he was dealing with. She was a cop, trained to subdue and apprehend, and he was a Special Forces trained professional assassin, trained to kill...period. She didn't have anywhere near the skill-set to be a credible threat to him.

He had a complete psychological profile on her based on the the results of _both _of her psychological evaluations. The one done ten years ago and the one after her shooting last year. Even if she had been at 100% (which she was wasn't yet, judging from her continued visits to her physical therapist) she would be no match for him in a fight. He was more concerned with the Hispanic Detective on her team on that front, to be honest.

He knew what buttons to push to get her attention. All he had to do was show up at _"Writer boy's"_ hospital room and be seen. Or better yet, either give his daughter a good scare, or send Beckett some pictures of her on the street. However he chose to proceed, in the end Kate would come right to him. As far as Cole Maddox was concerned, Detective Kate Beckett was a walking dead woman.

He would put her in the ground once and for all and be on his way before her body got cold.

_**Author's note:** Sorry guys, if you were expecting Rick to wake up anytime soon and things to simply be okay, you were sadly mistaken. Sorry if badass Beckett didn't quite make it past the end of chapter two. But we all know even Kate has a breaking point._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

* * *

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long._  
_ That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side._  
_ All the little pieces falling, shatter._  
_ Shards of me,_  
_ Too sharp to put back together._  
_ Too small to matter,_  
_ But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces._  
_ If I try to touch her,_

_And I bleed,_  
_ I bleed,_  
_ And I breathe,_  
_ I breathe no more. _

_ Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well._  
_ Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child._  
_ Lie to me,_  
_ Convince me that I've been sick forever._  
_ And all of this,_  
_ Will make sense when I get better._  
_ But I know the difference,_  
_ Between myself and my reflection._  
_ I just can't help but to wonder,_  
_ Which of us do you love?_

Evanesence: Breathe No More

* * *

_**Previously**_

"_Grande skim latte with two pumps of sugar free vanilla, right?"_

"_Thank you. Alexis, it's perfect. Just what I needed."_

_Kate wasn't so much touched, that Alexis knew how she took her coffee, (considering her last name was Castle she wasn't surprised) but that she had made the gesture at all. All was not yet right between herself and the teenager. It hadn't been since she had come back into her father's life after that summer._

_Her fondest desire was to have a chance to set right everything she had made a mess of since her shooting, both with the young redhead and her father. He had to make it, he just had to. She had so much to make up to him for, so much that needed to be said. _

_She only hoped that time was on her side._

* * *

Though Alexis had made such a gesture for her, simply by being here, coffee in hand like her father would have done had he been able, when Kate looked up into the young redhead's eyes, she saw nothing. No trace of the girl who once looked up to her, who had interned in the precinct, wearing slacks a button down and a leather jacket for her civics class because she wanted to be like her.

It would seem that those days were now long since gone.

Her blue eyes, though paler than her fathers, held a coldness in their depths Kate had never seen directed at her by the girl before. Alexis Castle was building a wall of her own it would seem, wrapping her heart in ice and steel. Preparing for the worst, and knowing full well whom she held responsible.

Kate reached out a hand and grasped Alexis' wrist loosely, a somber, pleading expression in her green tinted hazel eyes. Hoping for some sign of the Alexis she once knew, the one that trusted her, like her father had.

"Hey...Alexis, your father is stronger than he looks, he _will_ get through this, trust me, he's a fighter."

Alexis blinked twice, before leveling her cold steely eyes at her and whispered at her through clenched teeth.

"How many times did my dad have to risk his life for you before it sunk in, that he was in love with you? That he has been for years. My dad gave you his heart time and time and again and each and every time you gave it back to him broken."

Kate was shocked, Alexis wasn't holding back, not even a little bit, to spare her feelings.

"I heard him and Grams talking, he told you he loved you, but that just wasn't enough was it? He went after the truth for you, in spite of the fact that you had lied to him, in spite of the fact that you'd been stringing him along all this time. He put his own life on the line to put your mother's case to rest because, God help him, he wanted you to be happy...even if it wasn't with him."

Kate practically withered under Alexis' cold angry glare, the truth of her father's heart laid open before her by the one of two people who knew his heart best. Four years of misconceptions were burned to dust as if by fire. Knowledge gained at far too high a price.

She opened her mouth to speak, but the words died on her lips under Alexis Castle's cold, fierce, scrutiny, as she placed her hands flat on her desk and leaned into her personal space.

"Trust you? Dad trusted you, he believed in you, hell he fell in love with you and look what it got him. Broken body, broken mind, broken heart and broken soul! So no, Detective Beckett...I _don't _trust you anymore. I doubt I _ever_ will again. Especially where my dad's heart is concerned."

Kate wanted nothing more than to sink into her chair and disappear, so deep was her shame as she bowed her head, no longer able to look Alexis in the eye. Unable to withstand the icy chill she found there.

"I'm sorry...Alexis...I'm so sorry." Kate whispered, a single tear rolling unhindered down her cheek, "If I could go back...do things differently..."

"But you can't, _Detective_, and now we _all _have to live with the consequences." Alexis hissed back at her. "The world didn't _stop _since last May, just because Kate Beckett couldn't deal. The rest of us, including dad have had to find a way to live in it. My father loves you, almost as much as he loves me, even if you don't love him back."

"I do love him," Kate whispered, her voice barely audible above the background of the precinct, "I didn't realize how much until I was bleeding in the grass."

"You certainly have a strange way of showing it." Alexis replied, not offering her the slightest measure of sympathy. The arch of a single terra cotta eyebrow hinting at the fire burning just behind her icy glare.

"I came over here because Grams wanted me to ask you to come to the loft tonight. She doesn't think you should have to be alone." Alexis stated coldly, "Personally I could care less if you do or not, since you seem to be hell bent on making sure you would be. But I won't let you hurt Grams like you hurt dad. So for her sake, I suggest you swallow your pride and show up."

Alexis turned her back on her, turning her face back toward her over her shoulder her for just a second

to deliver her final parting shot as she turned the corner for the elevator.

"But do what you want, you will anyway. Take care of yourself, Kate, I guess that's what you're best at isn't it?"

* * *

And with that, Alexis Castle turned the corner and she was gone. Leaving a distraught Kate Beckett in her wake. What Kate didn't see was the devastated expression on Alexis face as the elevator doors closed on her. Nobody saw as her angry resolve finally crumbled and she broke down sobbing in the elevator.

Crying and sobbing out her pain to an uncaring universe.

* * *

Kate sat at her desk, staring blankly into the space that Alexis had only recently vacated. She couldn't think, she could barely breathe. Alexis had flayed her heart open, and laid her emotions bare for the whole precinct to see and hear. She could barely function. She only barely heard the set of high heeled shoes get closer to her desk, as Gates approached.

"Go home, Detective Beckett. Don't come back in the morning either." Gates stated, it was not a request.

"But...Captain...sir...I..." Kate stammered, trying to find an argument that would convince the the woman to let her stay.

"Do you remember when you first came back and I told you it would be a cold day in hell before I would allow a detective, any detective work her own shooting?"

Gates asked her, point blank, receiving a curt nod that Kate remembered that very conversation.

"The same goes for this situation too, Detective. You're too close to this, you aren't thinking like a cop, which makes you no use to me, or this investigation. Go home. That's an order."

As Kate rose from her desk, Gates turned and walked back to her office, and stated much more sympathetically as she walked through it, before pulling her office door closed.

"If we get a line on this Cedric Marks character, you'll be the first to know, I owe you that much, but until then, look after Mr. Castle and his family. They need you more than we do."

* * *

**_Author's note** I am drawing from the reactions of Alexis Castle in both "Rise" and "Linchpin" to show the level of anger she felt toward Kate and her own father here. She likely held onto quite a bit of resentment to Beckett for that summer, much more so than Rick I think. Because she got to watch what that summer did to her dad. I love Alexis as a character. I think she never quite got an outlet for that other than an outburst to her father that he was going back, and a suggestive look in the morgue to her "...the more the merrier" line in Linchpin._

_I would also like to take a moment to thank Detective Angie ( dtrekker on twitter) for volunteering the lovely cover art. Her tireless efforts on my behalf on this and several of my other stories are greatly appreciated.  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**_**Author's note**_ _ To guest reviewer Eric: Yes, Alexis' reaction is not exactly original, (even within the bounds of my own work) and yes it is somewhat cliché, but through much of season four it did sem to be where her head was at, and I am making every effort to stay true to the characters as they stood in late season 4. _**

**_Alexis may have accepted her father's feelings for Kate, but that didn't mean she was happy about the situation. Much of this was still evident in season 5 when she discovered their relationship hit the next level and in season 6 when she learned of their engagement. Not because she didn't like Kate, but she did, and in her eyes Kate put her father in danger and then let both her and her father down._**

_**Bear with me people, Alexis doesn't hate Kate, she's just lost and in pain because she's worried she's gonna lose her dad and she's lashing out at the only person she can at the moment.**_

_**Mark.**_

* * *

**Chapter Five **

* * *

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me_

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

Amy Lee: My Immortal

* * *

_Previously_

_Alexis turned her back on her, turning her face back toward her over her shoulder her for just a second to deliver her final parting shot as she turned the corner for the elevator._

"_But do what you want, you will anyway. Take care of yourself, Kate, I guess that's what you're best at isn't it?"_

_And with that, Alexis Castle turned the corner and she was gone. Leaving a distraught Kate Beckett in her wake. What Kate didn't see was the devastated expression on Alexis face as the elevator doors closed on her. Nobody saw as her angry resolve finally crumbled and she broke down sobbing in the elevator._

_Crying and sobbing out her pain to an uncaring universe._

_Kate sat at her desk, staring blankly into the space that Alexis had only recently vacated. She couldn't think, she could barely breathe. Alexis had flayed her heart open, and laid her emotions bare for the whole precinct to see and hear. She could barely function. She only barely heard the set of high heeled shoes get closer to her desk, as Gates approached._

"_Go home, Detective Beckett. Don't come back in the morning either." Gates stated, it was not a request._

* * *

Alexis walked in the door to the loft, still sniffing, her cheeks red and her eyes puffy from crying almost the whole way home. She crossed through the living room on her way to the stairs hoping to reach her bathroom so she could wash her face and touch up her mascara before Grams could see her. _"Grams has enough pain to deal with, I don't need to add to it" _she thought to herself.

She knew that she had laid it on a little thick with Detective Beckett in the precinct. Possibly thicker than she really deserved. She only had her father's side of the story to work from. The devastating sadness and depression he went through all last summer when she never called. Alexis had had four months of watching her father go through the motions of his life in absolute misery with which to harden her heart where Kate Beckett was concerned.

She will never truly understand how her father had simply turned around and gone right back to the precinct with her...just like that...like last summer had never happened. That he could put both his heart and his life in danger with Kate all over again with no thought about what it was doing to the rest of the people who loved him.

She recalled the last time she had considered tearing Kate a new one like she had earlier. It was the night she and her dad had gone into the river. Dad had saved her life...pulled her unconscious body out of her sinking car, heedless of his own safety. How had Kate thanked him? By chewing his head off over a woman he'd obviously slept with long before they'd ever met.

It had taken a week to get the whole story of the inspiration for Clara Strike out of him to give her some context for their little fight. (minus the sex parts, of course, because..._eww_) Dad seemed to have a fatal attraction for complicated women who were no good for him. Starting with her mom, CIA agent Barbie, obviously, followed by, of course, Gina. Alexis wasn't sure if Kate fit in that category or not, but last summer, not to mention more recent events were certainly not helping the detective's case much..

She wanted to be able to hate Kate Beckett she fervently wished she had despised the woman from the start. It would have been so much easier if she hated her...but she didn't. She still doesn't. She really wished she hadn't liked and admired the woman as much as she did.

In many ways, in spite of the danger she led him into, deep down she truly believed that Kate really did love her father. That chasing her had made her father into something more, made him expect more from himself. He had wanted to fix this for her, even if he couldn't have her, or be with her. Even though he thought she had rejected him. He had learned from her how to give without expecting anything in return. A growth in character she would have admired...had it not almost killed him.

The fact that Alexis had really liked Kate (and deep down still did) made everything so much worse. She wouldn't be feeling so betrayed, conflicted, guilty...and angry.

* * *

Kate's mind was spinning, other than the DNA sample that link Castle's abductor/torturer they had nothing to go on. As far as anyone knew, Cedric Marks was in the wind. If that was even his real name. Ryan was up to his eyeballs in surveillance camera footage from the night Rick disappeared.

The Captain had gotten subpoenas for every store front, ATM machine, and traffic camera between the 12th Precinct station house and his Broome Street apartment complex. Looking for any trace of where he might have been taken off the street.

Gates had even enlisted the help of an expert. An NYPD computer specialist from the 25th Precinct named Tori Ellis to help Ryan sift through the footage and the last known traces from his cell phone. It helped that he was always online. Always checking his messages. It would make the timeline of his disappearance easier to track.

Like Javi, Kate wanted to be out knocking on (or kicking in) doors. She wanted somebody in the box to interrogate. She wanted answers, she wanted blood. But until they had a solid lead, they had nothing to go on. There was nothing she could do until Marks surfaced again. If they got a make on the vehicle he was taken in he could be tracked to where they'd tortured him. Find the vehicle that had dumped him at the precinct...something.

It was just like her shooting all over again, and she felt every bit as powerless as she did last time. She hated to admit it, but Gates was probably right. As far as this part of the investigation was concerned she would just be in the way.

When she turned the key to her apartment door, a small manilla envelope slid to the floor, drawing her attention, her name written in block letters across the front. In it was an SD card from a camera. She booted up her laptop and slid it into the drive and inside were twelve images of Alexis Castle in sequence. Detailing her departure from the precinct, walking to the curb and hailing a taxi.

A word document was included on the card, and when she opened it, it read:

_**Go down and check your mailbox, Detective.**_

Kate ran down the stairs to the mailboxes in the lobby with her keys and opened it. Inside was a padded envelope again with her name on it, she pulled a pair of crime scene gloves from her pocket before opening it. Castle's cell phone was inside, turned off.

She took a stylus out of her pocket and turned it on. It was fully charged. Not a good sign.

She called the precinct and within twenty minutes her building was swarming with CSU personnel. Kate stood off to one side of her living room, her arms folded, feeling like she should be doing something as the CSU techs bagged the SD card, and Rick's cell phone. (she had sent herself a copy of the most recent messages using her stylus, including a very large video file time stamped five hours after he was apparently taken) being careful not to smudge any prints.

With Senator Bracken dead and the legacy he had wanted for himself destroyed with it, there was only one thing this could be, vengeance from beyond the grave. An insurance policy if she or Montgomery had interfered once too often she surmised.

Kate wasn't sure if Alexis was a target, collateral damage, or simply a lure to bring her out into the open, but she could not take that chance. She had made Rick a promise a long time ago to take care of her if anything happened to him and, unlike last summer, this was a promise she intended to keep. She would protect his mother and daughter with her life if necessary. Be there for them like she felt she should have been for Castle.

If Maddox wanted a war, she would give him a war, take the fight right down his throat if she had to. He had no idea what he was dealing with.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's note** Fair warning, a LOT of angst here, this is probably the darkest this story will get._

_You have been warned._

**Chapter Six**

* * *

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away _

Broken: SEETHER feat. Amy Lee

* * *

_Previously_

_Kate wasn't sure if Alexis was a target, collateral damage, or simply a lure to bring her out into the open, but she couldn't take that chance. She had made Rick a promise a long time ago to take care of Alexis if anything happened to him. Unlike last summer, this was a promise she intended to keep. She would protect his mother and daughter with her life if necessary. Be there for them like she felt she should have been for Castle._

_If Maddox wanted a war, she would give him a war. Take the fight right down his throat if she had to. He had no idea what he was dealing with._

* * *

Kate sat in her police issue Crown Victoria in the underground parking garage for Rick's building, suddenly unsure of what she should do. She had been ordered to vacate her apartment for forty eight hours or until CSU had finished processing, whichever came first.

She was thankful that she had taken the time earlier to remove the murder board for her mother's case from the living room window. _That _would certainly have raised questions she really wasn't prepared to answer. With the guilty party dead and disgraced, his _"suicide note"_ detailing his crimes for the wold to see, it had hardly seemed relevant to keep a shrine to it in her home anymore.

The empty hole her mother's death had left in her soul was still there, as if mocking her, reminding her of everything her obsession had cost her along the way. Including Castle.

Captain Gates had been kind enough to assign Officer Hastings accompany her into her bedroom to pack a bag. Kate knew that this was procedure, something she's had to order done more than once when somebody's home had become _her _crime scene, but she still felt a sense of violation at having strangers (even if they are cops and crime scene technicians) pawing over her things. Not to mention these were people she would have to work with after this. It would be very awkward.

She had emptied her entire lingerie drawer into one duffel bag, if only to avoid the snarky comments and catcalls about some of her less than conservative unmentionables, then piled a few days worth of work clothes on top to hide them from prying eyes.

_"Let this be a lesson to you," _she'd remarked to Hastings with a wicked grin that never quite made it to her eyes,_ "always make sure to keep a bag handy for the lingerie drawer. For grown men, cops can be such little boys about sheer black lace." _

She'd gotten chapter and verse about _"looking more like a fashion model than a cop"_ early on in her career, especially in Vice. She certainly didn't need _that_ starting up again. The lecherous stares from some of the dirtbags she has put away over the years (and some of the cops she'd been paired with) were enough to make her feel like she needed a long shower so she wouldn't leave a ring on her bathtub.

The drive to Castle's had been a blur. She had called ahead to check in with Martha, explained the situation and that she would be over as soon as she could find and check into motel.

_"Nonsense, Katherine dear, we have plenty of room and you've used the guest room before."_

She had started to demur, for Alexis' sake, but Martha would have none of it.

"_Katherine Houghton Beckett," _she'd commanded in a tone that would brook no defiance. A tone Kate had noted was resoundingly similar to her mother's when she'd been caught sneaking in after curfew_, "don't you dare even _think_ about finishing that sentence, young lady. My _**son**_ loves you and he would never forgive Alexis, or me if he found out we turned you out on the street. You are staying _here_ at the loft with us and that is _final_, do you hear me?"_

Martha's voice had broken on the last few words, driving home just how close to the ragged edge Rick's mother really was, in spite of the veteran stage actress' valiant attempts to hide it. Regardless of the awkwardness Martha's decision was certain to cause between herself and Alexis, Kate knew in her heart that she couldn't tell the woman no. Not now, after all the hurt she felt she'd already caused Rick's family. She felt she had done enough damage with the lies she's told since her shooting. She didn't want to cause her any more.

Before she went up, however, she needed to see the rather large video file labeled _"Beckett" _that was on Castle's phone. From the EXIF data, she could tell that it had not been made on his phone, merely transferred to it shortly before the photos of Alexis had been taken, and from the same digital camera. It was likely one of the last of several such video files, given the date. She didn't recognize the voice on the recording.

_"The subject has thus far been resistant to persuasion. He has given us nothing to suggest that He has given any information to Detective Beckett. Even after repeated applications of physical force, water boarding, and electrical stimulation. The only information he has provided that we don't have is the name "Agent Gray" which is likely an alias. We are tracking it down now."_

From the dry language used, she could tell that it had obviously been originally intended for Bracken. It held none of the mocking tone of the note that had been included with the photos meant for her eyes. In fact the voice in the message sounded every bit like a professional making a prepared statement to his employer, not like a sadistic bastard torturing a man for the information locked in his head.

_Castle's face was bruised and bloody, his arms secured behind him to the bolted down steel chair in what had to have been a very painful angle. His shirt was pulled open revealing a significant amount of fresh bruises on his chest as well as several small burn marks. _

Kate stared blankly in abject horror at what had been done to the man she loved.

_"Tell me what you found out, and how much Beckett knows, and the pain stops, Mr. Castle. You might even be allowed to go home to that pretty little daughter of yours."_

_Castle visibly flinched but buried it, before replying defiantly, "Go to hell...not telling you a damn thing."_

_"How about we bring the girl in, let her do a round with Sasha here?" The disembodied voice came back with a cold whisper, "Make you watch...maybe that will loosen your tongue?"_

_Castle bristled, rage giving him the strength to try to wrench himself out of the chair, nearly dislocating his shoulders in the process, "YOU LEAVE ALEXIS ALONE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"_

_The cold fury in his eyes and his angry defiance only lasted a moment, as a gloved hand appeared on screen and what appeared to be a cattle prod was pressed to his ribs causing his whole body to go rigid in the restraints, his ear splitting screams overpowering the speaker on her phone. His body went slack when it was pulled away._

_"We can keep doing this until you lapse into a coma or your heart explodes, Mr. Castle, but I _promise_ you, the pain __**will **__stop __**WHEN YOU TELL US WHAT BECKETT KNOWS!**__"_

_The cattle prod was applied again, causing Castle's screams to echo off the walls just before the camera was turned away from him and the video clip came mercifully to a close. _

Kate closed her eyes, tossing her cell phone onto the passenger seat. It was one thing to be told what had happened to him...but to witness it...to hear Rick screaming in pain like a wounded animal because he refused to betray her...because he couldn't walk away, even though he thought she had rejected him, that she didn't want him...it was just too much.

She wasn't sure when she'd started crying, how long her sobs had echoed within the confines of her car. She couldn't face Martha yet, she just couldn't go up there...but she couldn't stop sobbing either. This was all for her...all because he loved her. She felt...unclean...unworthy of such sacrifices.

"What have you done, Rick?" Kate whispered to herself between sobs, "What did you find and whom did you give it to that Bracken would send someone to do...this?"

Kate remembered having met Agent Gray once...he seemed capable and dangerous in an affable sort of way. She wasn't sure what Rick was getting at sending them chasing a CIA ghost.

_"Rick gave him up to protect me"_ she thought to herself..._"this wasn't supposed to happen...going away last summer was supposed to keep him safe, but he put the target on his own back instead...took this upon himself, for me...why would he do that?" _

Kate could not fathom it. No man in any relationship she had _ever_ run away from (even before her mother died) had ever kept coming back for more like Castle did. Even Josh had simply picked up his things from her place and disappeared into the Congo without so much as a backward look when she'd ended it with him. No one had ever put forth so much effort to get inside her defenses with so little hope of reward before and she couldn't for the life of her figure out why.

_"Because he loves you, Katie-bug...because the heart wants what the heart wants." _a treasonous voice replied in the back of Kate's mind. One that sounded suspiciously like her mother, before she broke down and cried some more. Sobbing in the driver's seat of her car in a private parking garage where no one could see her tears.

**Castle loft**

**Half an hour later.**

Martha had had her back to the door, her mind fully focused on preparing the dinner she had invited Kate to, wanting desperately to bridge the gap between Kate and her granddaughter. She knew it was probably wrong to try to force this. She knew in her heart that her son would want the two most important women in his life to be at odds.

Martha had been at the hospital when Alexis had came back from the precinct, she could hear the loud music emanating from her room, cranking up her stereo wasn't usually her style, she was generally more respectful than that. She knew that Alexis was just as hurt and upset about what happened to Richard as she was, but the girl had chosen to channel all of that hurt into attacking Kate at every opportunity. That needed to stop, right now, she was going to put an end to Alexis' hurtful, destructive behavior.

Though she knew that Kate bore some responsibility for her son's current state, as his mother she _also_ knew that Richard had gone chasing this of his own free will, and this time he had been fully aware of what the consequences might be. Prepared for those consequences in a way he hadn't been when he had first started poking around in Kate's past, three years before.

As much as she would have hoped the opposite would be true, she knew he couldn't simply turn his feelings for Beckett off, it wasn't in his nature. He loved her too deeply for that. He had let the detective all the way into his heart in a way that she hadn't seen him do since he had brought Kyra Blaine home to meet her during Spring Break back in 1990, the love practically pouring out of his eyes when he'd looked at her.

He hadn't let anyone that far in since Kyra had walked out on him all those years ago, under circumstances that were far to similar to what Kate had done last summer for Martha Rodgers' liking. A request for space...a promise to call him in a few days...then a complete disappearance, severing all contact. Only back then, Kyra never came back.

That had been when the "playboy" persona made it's first appearance in her son's social repertoire. It probably would not have been difficult for Gina and Paula to talk him into taking on the role if it hadn't been his idea in the first place. He stopped looking for real women...women with depth...and started having affairs with women who were "fun and uncomplicated" women he would never let in. Meredith had been one of those...until she got pregnant with Alexis. He had tried...God help him, he'd tried...to turn that little tramp into something more, but that had been a doomed enterprise as soon as she'd gotten her figure back.

Gina was a mistake no matter how Martha looked at it. On paper their relationship had made a certain amount of sense, but they turned out to be oil and water together. Gina was a professional woman...an administrative bureaucrat who had no real idea of how the creative process worked. She thought she could make him write faster...and it created a strain on their relationship. Their marriage lasted less time than the one with Meredith. Why Black Pawn kept him under her thumb after their messy public divorce, she could not understand.

Martha was certain that something happened in between those two marriages. She had babysat Alexis a lot for about a year around the time she was six. He had told her at the time that he was doing research for the first Derek Storm novel and he was not allowed to talk about it...but she was certain a woman had been involved, because he'd had two short flings immediately afterward. One with a fashion with the IQ of a ground squirrel, and the other a platinum blonde flight attendant. Neither were terribly memorable, but they fit his "broken heart pattern" to a T. Both of them got him squarely on page six as well.

Katherine was different though. He had never spent this long working up to a relationship. Never worked this hard to try to gain someone's trust never put himself this far out there. She had challenged him to grow. Made him _want _to be more than he was. Made him _want _to besomeone _Katherine Beckett_ could respect. Made him yearn for something real for the first time since before Alexis was born. Even after he thought she had rejected him, and his heart had been broken, he still wanted that...more than anything. That he had believed it was _worth _trading his life for.

Martha Rodgers knew she had to respect her son's judgement and accept that her son believed Katherine happiness was worth the sacrifice her son had been willing to make.

He had marched willingly into the darkness that Katherine had lived in since she was nineteen with his eyes open, and came out broken on the other side. He did not feel this sacrifice to be a vain or empty one, and she was not going to debate her son's judgement on this matter. Nor was she going to allow Alexis to disrespect her father's choices any longer. She was going to seal up this breach between them...starting right now, so that it would not hamper Richard's recovery when he woke up. He would need them both fighting for him instead of each other...She was certain of it.

When Alexis finally came downstairs, fresh faced from her shower, with only a little concealer (Alexis rarely wore makeup and it showed) to cover the dark bags under her eyes from very little sleep, she began to wonder how long it would be before Katherine came up. Eduardo had been kind enough to inform her that she had pulled into the parking garage half an hour ago, and he had walked away when she seemed to be taking a call. That was until she heard a knock at the door.

"Katherine, welcome, dear one, come..." She began, but stopped cold when took in the detective's appearance. Her mascara had run badly...apparently from crying as the tear tracks in her usually flawless makeup clearly showed. Even Alexis seemed to be drawn momentarily out of her hostility at the sight of her. The disdainful remark she had likely prepared to say dying on her lips. Stricken dumb by the emotional wreck that was Kate Beckett.

It was Beckett's eyes that drew their attention and pulled them both up short. They were wide open like saucers, filled with a lingering horror, like she had seen something that had shaken her to her core.

She looked...haunted.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven **

* * *

"_Roaming through this darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone  
Part of me is fighting this, but part of me is gone _

_So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone  
Everything I am, and everything in me  
Wants to be the one, you wanted me to be  
_

_I'll never let you down, even if I could  
I'd give up everything, if only for your good  
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there  
So love me when I'm gone_

_Love me when I'm gone... "_

3 Doors Down: When I'm Gone

* * *

_Previously_

_"Katherine, welcome, dear one, come..." She began, but stopped cold when took in the detective's appearance. Her mascara had run badly...apparently from crying as the tear tracks in her usually flawless makeup clearly showed. Even Alexis seemed to be drawn momentarily out of her hostility at the sight of her. The disdainful remark she had prepared to say dying on her lips. Struck dumb by the appearance of the emotional wreck that was Kate Beckett._

_It was Beckett's eyes that drew their attention and pulled them both up short. They were wide open like saucers, filled with a lingering horror, like she had seen something that had shaken her to her core._

_She looked...haunted._

Martha was taken completely aback by how fragile and emotionally broken Kate appeared to be, standing in their open doorway. Her face and makeup a mess, the horror of whatever she had seen evident, to anyone with a soul, in her posture and her eyes. Whatever it was that she had seen had obviously rattled her enough that she could neither find the composure to conceal it, nor the energy to run away. Forcing the fiercely independent detective to seek solace in the one place she was unsure she would find it.

Equally surprising to everyone present, it was _Alexis _who made the first move, taking Kate by the arm and pulling her the last few halting, skittish steps into the loft.

"Detective Beckett, are you okay? You look like somebody just walked over your grave." Alexis stated, her voice and posture voice full of concern.

Only a few scant hours ago she had been filled to the brim with contempt for the woman as she left for her OCME internship. Alexis, herself, did not understand where the sudden burst of compassion for Kate Beckett had come from. Something in the slump of her usually perfect posture and the stark terror in her eyes tugged at the girl's heartstrings. Down deep in that part of herself that still admired her strength, and wanted to emulate her. The part of her that had been betrayed when Kate walked out on her dad and stepped on his heart in the process. The portion of the young redhead's heart that had only just begun to forgive Kate, when the depth of her lies came to light and her father had once again been cast into darkness. One from which she wasn't sure he would ever recover from.

That graceful strength, which Alexis had so long admired, seemed to have deserted Kate now. Leaving this broken, empty shell of herself in its place, grieving and in pain just like the rest of them.

It had finally begun to dawn on Alexis where the depth of her anger and resentment had come from. Up until now, Kate had seemed...unaffected by what had happened to her father. Like she had somehow been able to turn her feelings for her dad off like like flipping a switch. As if the godawful thing that had been done to him was not important enough to let it bother her. Kate Beckett and her Goddamn unassailable walls.

Only now those walls were gone, obliterated by whatever it was that she had seen before she had come up from the parking garage. The terrible thing that had brought her to their door. (invitation from her grandmother notwithstanding) heartbreak and horror written all over her face, looking like she wanted to bolt at any second. To run and hide until the terror that gripped her had passed. But instead, she was here, her horror and grief laid bare for both of them to see.

As her grandmother took up Kate's two bags and closed the door, the detective wheeled on Alexis and suddenly pulled her into a near crushing embrace, causing her to rock back on her heels in shock. She stood frozen in Kate's bear hug for a moment before her own slender arms slowly, tentatively wrapped themselves around the woman, absently rubbing her back and carding her fingers through her dark, shoulder length hair.

"I'm so sorry, Alexis...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..." Kate whispered into the Alexis' ear between sobs, causing her frozen heart to melt, then break completely.

"It's...it's all my fault...He...did it...for me," she continued to sob, "threw his life away...took..._everything_ they did to him. Even after I'd lied...pushed him away...and run from him...he still he still... did this..." Kate trailed off as the emotions she had been trying to keep at bay for nearly a year finally, utterly overwhelmed her.

Alexis was completely thrown. _Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD _was _not_ like this. She didn't crack. She didn't break. She didn't let the horrors of the world consume her. The woman holding her in an iron grip and crying into her hair was a completely different creature.

Alexis Castle realized that she had been brought face to face with Katie Beckett, the nineteen year old college student who had lost her mom. This Kate Beckett was completely lost, shattered and alone. A side of herself Kate had never wanted anyone to see, so she locked her away behind walls of ice and stone to protect herself from experiencing such shattering loss again.

The resentment Alexis had been carrying around since the previous summer. The simmering anger she had been keeping just below the surface suddenly evaporated in the face of the broken woman before her now. Her heart shattered into a million pieces, her world spun off into a terrible new axis just like the rest of them. The revelation of Kate's true self, her true heart had changed everything.

Her father had been smitten with this woman the moment he had laid eyes on her at the Storm Fall launch party. The very day he had turned around with his Sharpie, asked "Where do you want it?" and was presented with her badge instead. Lust had turned to curiosity, to partnership, to friendship, to love.

He wanted _forever _with her. He wanted _always _with her so badly that he had been willing to court his own death for it, with her, more than once. Willing to put his life in the balance, even after he thought she had rejected him...just to give her a shot at a happier, more fulfilling life. Even if it wasn't with him.

Alexis now knew that Kate had wanted the same thing, but had been holding back out of fear. The love Kate had for her father practically poured out of her eyeballs, now that Alexis saw it for what it was. Love that became more evident to the teenager with every tear that flowed down Kate's face, every choking sob that shook her chest. In that moment, Alexis realized that her father had been an idiot to think that sacrificing his life could _ever _set Kate free.

He hadn't realized what she was now absolutely certain of. He hadn't seen the side of Kate what was now staring her in the face. That Kate Beckett truly loved him and her heart was bound to his forever. She would never be free, and never really had been. Kate would never be able to run far enough or fast enough to escape. The notion that she did not love him in return seemed almost ludicrous to Alexis now.

Kate had waited far too long to admit this to herself, and Alexis could see clearly that Kate feared she had indeed waited too long. That fate had cruelly made the decision for her, taken him away from her anyway. That the relationship she wanted with him had always been well within her grasp, but was now very likely slipping through her fingers because she had been too afraid to open her heart, come out from behind her walls and dare to reach for it.

_If only _is a poor substitute for _always._

* * *

_Across the street from the Castle loft_

Jackson Hunt sat in a folding chair looking out the window through a pair of high powered binoculars across the artificial canyon of SOHO buildings down onto 595 Broome Street, paying special attention to the front entrance and the rooftop. Unbeknownst to Martha and his son, (not to mention the landlord) The building had received an extensive security system upgrade, installed by a tech guy he had vetted personally.

"Marty" (a pseudonym he preferred) had placed motion and body heat activated infra red and standard cameras on every corner and in every stairwell on every floor. Some cameras piggy backed and or swapped out for the originals in the building, and others placed randomly that picked up what those missed. (none of which appeared in the building's security system contract)

From every entrance, including the parking garage, he could track any person coming and going in every hallway, stairwell and crawlspace in the entire building, including the roof. There were no blind spots for anyone to exploit anywhere in the building. His instructions to "Marty" had been very thorough, and he'd tested the system himself. Even knowing the placement of every single camera, he had been caught within ten paces of the stairwells and elevators, no matter where he had breached the building.

Though he was intimately familiar with the occupants of the third floor of the building, having watched them from afar for years. His job required him to be out of the country for long periods of time. It was a sad fact of life that, other than Martha, this family that he had helped create would likely never know him. He had many regrets. He'd been on a flight back from Europe to DC when Rick had been taken.

He had thought he'd been thorough in his message to William Bracken about the price to be paid for messing with the his family. Obviously, sending the senator the thumb and first two fingers of the assassin he had sent to Detective Beckett's hospital room to finish the job along with a written warning had failed to get his point across. Now there's a stone in the Bracken family plot with his name on it.

He felt a little guilty for sending Detective Beckett his son's phone, manipulating her emotions so she would be distracted and not notice Maddox was following her around, before making his move. In the plus category, he now knew what her true feelings for his son were, which made him feel more comfortable extending to her the same protection he provided to his family. He did feel a small amount of guilt for what he was doing, using her as bait to draw out the man who had tortured his son.

Eventually, so long as Kate Beckett stayed in the loft, Maddox would have to break cover to engage her. He had arranged for her orders to that effect from her captain through contacts of his own, (suffice it to say the Chief of Detectives now owed him one _less_ favor before his debt was cleared) When Maddox unmasked and made his move, he would be waiting, to sanction him with extreme prejudice. Blood paid for blood spilled.

He may be a lousy excuse for a father, but that didn't mean he didn't give a damn. Rick was still his son. Maddox would learn just how seriously he had erred, shortly before he personally applied the double tap to his skull.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors?  
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb  
Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
Until you find it there and lead it back home_

_(Wake me up)_  
_Wake me up inside_  
_(I can't wake up)_  
_Wake me up inside_  
_(Save me)_  
_Call my name and save me from the dark_  
_(Wake me up)_  
_Bid my blood to run_  
_(I can't wake up)_  
_Before I come undone_  
_(Save me)_  
_Save me from the nothing I've become_

Evanescence: "Bring Me To Life"  
(feat. Paul McCoy)

* * *

_Previously_

_Alexis now knew that Kate had wanted the same thing, but had been holding back out of fear. The love Kate had for her father practically poured out of her eyeballs, now that Alexis saw it for what it was. Love that became more evident to the teenager with every tear that flowed down Kate's face, every choking sob that shook her chest. In that moment, Alexis realized that her father had been an idiot to think that sacrificing his life could ____ever __set Kate free._

_He hadn't realized what she was now absolutely certain of. He hadn't seen the side of Kate what was now staring her in the face. That Kate Beckett truly loved him and her heart was bound to his forever. She would never be free, and never really had been. Kate would never be able to run far enough or fast enough to escape. The notion that she did not love him in return seemed almost ludicrous to Alexis now._

_Kate had waited far too long to admit this to herself, and Alexis could see clearly that Kate feared she had indeed waited too long. That fate had cruelly made the decision for her, taken him away from her anyway. That the relationship she wanted with him had always been well within her grasp, but was now very likely slipping through her fingers because she had been too afraid to open her heart, come out from behind her walls and _dare_ to reach for it._

_If only __is a poor substitute for __always__._

* * *

New York Presbyterian Hospital

Richard Castle's private room

9:00 AM

Richard Castle began to stir. His first sensation was the antiseptic smell he would always associate with hospitals and Morgues. No place he had ever been in his life were kept this clean. He slowly began to hear the soft beeping from the monitor keeping pace with his heart in his ears. His heartbeat began to climb as he felt the choking presence of the tube down his throat and he began to gag. He tried to raise his arms to pull it out, but gentle hands held then down.

"Somebody help him!" an anguished voice cried out in the haze of his still blurry vision. A voice his mind identified as Kate.

"Somebody help him!" the voice shrieked again.

_Couldn't be Kate_, his drug addled mind thought..._she doesn't love me._

A moment later another voice, less emotional but no less concerned spoke in his ear.

"Mr. Castle! Mr. Castle!" the man said in a voice that commanded, but was still calm and reassuring,

"I need you to be calm, there's a breathing tube down your throat. I'm going to have the nurse remove it, but I need you to relax for me or I'll have to sedate you."

The next thing Castle felt was the sensation of euphoria...the panic melted away. As if from miles away he felt the obstruction in his throat slide away. He coughed a couple of times, before he felt a spoon at his lips. then warm, thick syrup sliding down his throat, soothing the dryness there.

"Don't try to talk to much yet, the tube has been down your throat for over a week...your vocal cords will be pretty raw for a while. You've been through a lot, you should try to rest. I'm going to put you on oxygen to help you breathe easier."

Rick digested what the doctor was telling him, and nodded. The next face he saw was his little girl's.

"Daddy..." was all she managed to get out before she burst into tears, the rest of what she wanted to say lost in her sobs as she threw her arms around him. He did his best to reciprocate, but his arms were sluggish his fingers in splints. He kissed her on the top of the head as she cried unashamedly into his chest.

As his eyesight began to improve, he looked over Alexis' shoulder he couldn't help but see Kate Beckett, dressed in casual clothing, watching him, a plethora of emotions all ghosting over her face at once.

There was a hollow brokenness to her features, tears running unchecked down her own cheeks. What he noted most of all was her eyes, a mix of horror and guilt written in their forest green depths. Something had changed since he'd seen her last, something major. There was a story he was missing there. A story he desperately wanted to know.

* * *

After the better part of an hour of Alexis snuggling and crying over her father, babbling everything that fell out of her brain, as his daughter was wont to do when she was nervous scared or excited, it became readily apparent that Rick was beginning to tire. Partially from the drugs, and partially from the injuries he had sustained.

Alexis didn't want to go at first, struggled a little against Martha's gentle hand, but after a gentle whisper in her ear, she looked down at her father. She saw how worn out he was, so she relented, kissed him on the cheek and promised to be back in the morning.

Martha brushed a soft touch along Kate's arm, exchanging a look with her and mouthed "Talk to him" before kissing her on the forehead. Though she had sent Alexis home, she would be staying here until Kate left. Not that she didn't trust her with her son's fragile heart, strangely enough she found she did, but more that Kate might need her when the night nurse finally kicked her out. An event that would likely not be long in coming, if experience was any judge.

* * *

Kate sat at Rick's bedside, wanting so much to hold his hand, but the splints on all of his fingers prevented that. So she had her hand resting on his wrist. She could tell he was awake. He had been faking fatigue, until his daughter was out of the room. Kate knew he would fade soon enough, but for now she saw the questions in his eyes. The words on his lips that he couldn't get out because his throat was too raw for all of the words he wanted to say.

The only one he could get past his lips as the back of one of his heavily splinted hands brushed the tears on her cheek was a raspy "What do you want Beckett?"

The last of Kate's control slipped away as she bent over him, both hands framing his face, brushing soft kisses on his forehead, his cheeks and his lips, barely able to articulate herself through the emotions choking her up.

"You...Rick...I just want you...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..."

For the first time since he woke up, Rick Castle finally realized he had so much more to live for than he had on the last day he could remember clearly...the image of her he'd held on to when everything else had been lost in a haze of near constant pain. That he loved her, and for the first time...he finally knew she loved him back.

The pain he had suffered...for what had seemed like forever...had not been for nothing after all.

When Richard Castle finally succumbed to the drugs in his bloodstream and fatigue, he had a wistful smile on his face. A single thought coursing through his mind.

_She loves me...Kate Beckett really really loves me._

* * *

Jackson Hunt checked his security cameras after putting down his binoculars. Cole Maddox had finally crawled out from under his rock and entered the loft. He had him clean on the security cameras. He knew the man quite well. He was a trained Special Forces operator. He had been trained to recon the target and only make his move when he had a plan. Obviously, he now had one.

He just hadn't counted on a man with similar training, and a lot more years of experience in these things had already prepared the ground. Cole Maddox was in for a very nasty surprise.

Hunt double checked his cameras, he was nothing if not careful, and his heart sunk in his chest when his granddaughter, Alexis Castle walked into very same door Maddox had, not minutes before. He had no choice...he would have to see how this played out.

Charging in now, would only get Alexis killed.

* * *

Cole Maddox had originally intended to take the stairwell, slip into the Castle loft and lie in wait there. He still had Castle's house keys in his possession, and had been staking out the loft, so he knew the locks had not been changed. His plan had been to force Beckett up to the roof and sanction her there. The plan was simple and direct. But when he spotted Castle's daughter waiting for the elevator, a new idea came to him. A way to ensure her cooperation even more fully.

He slipped into the elevator right behind the young redhead just as the doors closed. When the elevator started moving, he grabbed her arm. Before she could scream he whispered in her ear, the barrel of handgun pressed into her ribs.

"Make one sound I will kill you. You and I are going to your floor and then you are going to make a phone call for me. Do as you are told and you will live to help your father with his recovery."

His voice was cold, devoid of all emotion. Alexis was too afraid to do anything but comply.

* * *

_*Author's Note* Sorry about the cliffhanger there guys. I don't use em much but I'm leading into the exciting conclusion next chapter. I promise not to keep you waiting too long for it. I would very much like to thank _Ninjadoc_ Indrani_S for the medical consult. Her assistance was invaluable with this chapter. Only one or two more after this, guys. Want to concentrate on my stories for #Castleficathon for the time being. I'd like to see if I can make the deadline this time._

_Mark_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

_If you told me you were drowning  
I would not lend a hand  
I've seen your face before my friend  
But I don't know if you know who I am  
Well, I was there and I saw what you did  
I saw it with my own two eyes  
So you can wipe off that grin,  
I know where you've been  
It's all been a pack of lies _

Phil Collins: In the Air Tonight

* * *

_Previously_

_Cole Maddox had originally intended to take the stairwell, slip into the Castle loft and lie in wait there. He still had Castle's house keys in his possession, and had been staking out the loft, so he knew the locks had not been changed. His plan had been to force Beckett up to the roof and sanction her there. The plan was simple and direct. But when he spotted Castle's daughter waiting for the elevator, a new idea came to him. A way to ensure her cooperation even more fully._

_He slipped into the elevator right behind the young redhead just as the doors closed. When the elevator started moving, he grabbed her arm. Before she could scream he whispered in her ear, the barrel of handgun pressed into her ribs._

_"Make one sound and I _will_ kill you. You and I are going to your floor and then you are going to make a phone call for me. Do as you are told and you will _live_ to help your father with his recovery."_

_His voice was cold, devoid of all emotion. Alexis was too afraid to do anything but comply._

* * *

**Visitor's Lounge**  
**Presbyterian Hospital.**  
**11:00 AM**

Martha Rodgers paced back and forth nervously while the specialist assigned to her son was examining him. Kate was faring little better, sitting on the couch in the back of the room, her ballet flats on the floor, feet curled under her, trying not to appear affected. But Martha's experience as an actress allowed her to see right through such a flimsy facade.

It was Kate's eyes that gave her away. Just as red and puffy as hers were, but always in motion as if waiting for something to happen. Her whole body was tightened like a coiled spring, ready to explode into action at a moment's notice at the slightest hint of footsteps in the private lounge near his didn't have to wait long, as a woman of Indian descent wearing scrubs and a doctor's lab coat walked around the corner.

"Family of Richard Castle?"

Kate thanked her lucky stars that Josh was in the Congo. The boys had checked for her. The last thing she needed was for him to be assigned to do a surgical consult because of Rick's broken ribs. She didn't think she could stand looking him in the eye. Or hear any of his snide comments.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Amita Inara, Chief Resident of Trauma medicine. I have been asked by the hospital board to see him through his recovery both on an inpatient and outpatient basis."

Her smooth clipped delivery and Queen's English accent had the desired effect, that she was confident and professional. The hospital was not taking any chances with a VIP patient, like Castle.

"What are his chances for recovery?" Martha asked.

"Mr. Castle has been through a really rough time, what was done to him is a lot for him to take in. Both his body and mind will need time to heal. Most of the physical damage is easy enough to repair, but chances are the emotional toll will take longer."

"How he comes to terms with so much trauma, both emotionally and psychologically... well, every person reacts differently. Some take longer than others, some never do, but Mr. Castle seems to be strong, he was in relatively good health before the incident, and has a good support system at home, so I don't see why he shouldn't have a full recovery in time."

Both Kate and Martha breathed a sigh of relief, almost in unison, both of them relaxing measurably right in front of Dr. Inara's eyes.

"I will, of course, monitor his progress, and make further diagnoses and recommendations based upon how he responds to treatment, but these kinds of situations require patience and understanding on your part as well. Just be there for him, support him as he heals, and help him when he stumbles. Let me worry about the medical aspects of his recovery, which are primarily, pain killers and careful observation.

"My primary concern was for the water-boarding he was exposed to, I would like to arrange for tests to be run to rule out fluid induced pneumonia, just to be on the safe side."

"Of course, Doctor, run any tests you think are necessary." Martha replied, her eyes betraying the lingering horror at what was done to her son. "Is there anything we should do when he does come home?"

"Be on the lookout for any shortness of breath, sudden loss of consciousness, essentially anything out of the ordinary for him. Otherwise his recovery will primarily consist of pain management." Dr. Inara replied, handing Martha her hospital issued business card, "if you have any questions, feel free to contact me at either of those numbers, both my office and cell number are on there."

Kate looked at Martha before speaking up, unbidden, pulling her badge from the pocket of her hoodie.

"I'm Detective Kate Beckett, Castle is a consultant for the NYPD and my partner, do you know if he will be able to continue his work with m...us at the precinct?"

Martha gave him a pointed look, but said nothing further, Dr. Inara was the first to reply.

"I can't see why he cannot return to limited duty, once the physical therapist clears him. As long as he is restricted to desk duty for the first few weeks. No field work of any kind until myself and the physical therapist sign off on it. His mind should function just fine, and it's better he be kept occupied than not. Events like these tend to rip your routine to shreds and the mind reacts badly to the unfairness of it all. Depression could be a possible result. It's best to get him back on as normal a routine as possible as quickly as his injuries will allow."

Though Martha had been skeptical of Kate's motives for asking the question, in the end she understood the necessity of getting her son leveraged back into his life. Though it scared the hell out her and Alexis would not be happy about it either, she knew that life included the precinct. At least she knew that Kate would make sure not to let him off of the medically induced leash Dr. Inara had him on.

* * *

While Martha continued discussing the specifics of Rick's care, Kate's phone rang so she stepped out of the lounge to answer it, noting that it was Alexis' photo and number on the screen,

_"When had Castle put that there?" _she pondered as she traced her finger across the screen.

"Hi Alexis," she said into her phone, trying to inject as much good cheer as she could under the circumstances, "are you okay?"

"That will depend entirely on you, Detective Beckett." Said the cold unwavering voice in her ear. The voice gave her cold chills, _the same voice from the recording, the man who tortured Rick, _her mind supplied.

"Maddox," Kate breathed, fear clouding her voice, "what have you done with Alexis? If you've harmed her..."

"You can dispense with the empty threats, Detective, she hasn't been harmed...yet."

* * *

Cole Maddox looked down at Alexis Castle. Who was bound hand and foot with zip ties on the couch, hands behind her back, eyes glazed over with fear and placed the phone to her ear.

"I'm all right, Kate...I'm sorry...he hasn't hurt me." She whispered dully into the phone. Kate could tell from her voice that she was scared, and freaked out.

"I'm sorry Alexis...I'm so sorry...I'll get you out of this...I promise."

"That's what I wanted to hear, Detective," Maddox replied into the phone, "because that is exactly what I want, an exchange. You for the girl."

"Why? Bracken is dead, you can walk away clean! Why do this?" Kate whispered into the phone, knowing that she would go. That she had no choice but to give him what he wants. Maddox held all of the cards.

"Call it professional responsibility, Detective, I take a contract, I finish it." Maddox replied, "The roof of Castle's building in one hour. No tricks, no cops. I see so much as a sector car pull up to the building and I decorate the walls with her brains...understand?"

"Y-yes" Kate replied, "I understand."

* * *

Kate bid Martha good afternoon and left her to talk with Dr. Inara and keep Rick company. She made a stop at her apartment on the way to Rick's loft. Changed clothes quickly for the fight she knew was coming. The most important fight of her entire life.

She knew better than to trust Maddox, knew better than to take him at his word that he would simply take her and let Alexis go. She would happily make the exchange, but once he got what he came for, (an execution on the roof most likely) once she was dead, Alexis would become a loose end...a liability.

This was a rescue mission, not a suicide run. The moment she was dead, so was Alexis. She couldn't let that happen. She would have to fight...take Maddox down herself.

She had no choice.

* * *

Jackson Hunt listened in on the call from the clone of Alexis' phone. He had clones of all of their phones, really, but as soon as the clones of Alexis and Beckett's phones lit up, he knew that Maddox was making his move.

He merely had to wait for Beckett to show up at the building to make his. Which she had, done, not moments before. He switched the security feed from the monitors to his tablet, chambered a round in his silenced 9mm tactical Sig Sauer and moved out. All Beckett had to do was keep Maddox busy while he made sure Alexis was safe. He would do the rest.

_"Action commenced, Nemesis is hunting." _he whispered to himself.

* * *

Kate rode the elevator up to the top, bypassing Rick's floor, heading straight to the roof access door and jimmied the lock, kicking the door open as she drew her service weapon. _"This would all be over soon, one way, or the other."_ She thought to herself.

She worked methodically, sweeping the roof the way Royce had taught her seemingly ages ago. In a simpler time when she thought her mother's murder was just the work of a lone scumbag who fell through the cracks. Before she knew how big this thing actually was. How deep the rabbit hole actually went.

_Before Castle came along. _

She nearly choked on the thought. If it wasn't for him, she would have learned nothing. She would still be poking around every few years, led down a few more blind alleyways.

Dammit, she'd _voted _for Bracken his last two terms. She had _believed _the bullshit he'd been spouting about _standing up for the little guy_ in his campaign speeches. The very thing her mother had truly stood for, fought for and in the end was murdered in an alley for. Tossed aside like a piece of garbage.

Kate had managed to clear most of the rooftop when a solid hand struck her from behind between the shoulder blades, sending her sprawling...her weapon skittering across the rooftop, completely out of reach. She rolled out, pulling her backup piece from her ankle holster only to have it kicked away before she could bring it to bear.

"Oh...not so meek and accepting of your fate as you led me to believe, Detective? So much the better." Maddox said in a mocking tone. He had the upper hand and he knew it.

He was not brandishing a weapon, so Kate rushed him, swinging with one fist, then the other, followed by an elbow smash. Each attack either blocked or effortlessly redirected.

She reared back and came on again with a kick to his face but he moved his head with the blow, blunting all but slightest hint of her momentum.

She came on with the start to another series of combinations, but he stopped her cold with a fist to her sternum, right over where he'd shot her a year ago, taking the wind out of her sails and sending her sprawling once more to the deck writhing in agony.

He knew exactly where to hit her.

Maddox stalked in like the predator he was, grabbing her by the collar of her jacket, then hauling her up by her throat. Planting her on her feet.

Kate was still gasping from the blow to her chest, trying to take enough air into her lungs to fight back effectively as Maddox glared into her eyes. There was no emotion in his dark irises, no feeling for her whatsoever. No pity, no remorse, nothing. For the first time since the fight began Kate Beckett felt real fear. Fear that hadn't reared it's head since the sniper case last fall. Her scar throbbed and itched as fought to breathe.

Before she could recover, Maddox began taking her apart. First, slamming a knee into her abdomen, folding her over, forcing out what little air there was in her lungs with a grunt of pain, followed by an arm bar to the base of her neck dropping her face first to the deck. By the time she began to come up wheezing he had stepped out of her reach.

His contract had been specific. _Take your time with her. Kill her as slowly and painfully as possible._

As long as he had the tactical advantage he would do just that. Take away all hope, and then finish it when she was broken.

"You're wasting your time, Detective. Just accept it. You can't win here, you have no idea what you're up against." He goaded, waiting for her next, inevitable useless attack.

"Neither do you." Kate shot back, and rushed him, managing to get her shoulder into his chest.

He turned into and around her crude tackle, she didn't have half the body mass or leverage necessary to make that attack work, and flipped her easily over his right hip, sending her sprawling over the side of the roof, where she was hanging on by her fingers. He walked casually to the side of the roof, looking down at her.

"Actually, we knew exactly what we were up against. Had someone more powerful not intervened, this is precisely where you would have ended up. You should have walked away, Detective, you never really had a chance."

Maddox stepped on her right hand, causing those fingers to lose their grip, but something caught his eye and he turned and stepped out of her view.

The next sound she heard was a _swish...pop.._.and the sound of a body falling to the deck. The rest was lost to the sound of her labored breathing as she struggled to maintain her grip with her left hand.

"Castle!" She cried out in vain, knowing he couldn't hear her.

* * *

Maddox turned at the sound of the access door slamming shut and moved in the direction of the noise away from the edge of the roof. Four paces were as far as he got before his knee exploded in a pink mist, causing him to grunt in pain and drop unceremoniously to the deck.

"By someone more powerful, Mr Maddox, do you happen to mean me?" Jackson Hunt said quietly as he stepped out of the shadows and into the light.

"Who?" Maddox grunted, gripping his ruined knee with one hand and reaching for Beckett's discarded service weapon with the other, "why?"

"Who I am is so far over your former pay grade you won't recognize it." Hunt replied, "As for why, you really should _not_ have kidnapped and tortured my _son_."

Before realization could dawn on Maddox, Hunt kicked the gun away and shot out his other kneecap, then continued as if discussing the weather.

"I made it perfectly clear to your employer _two years ago_, that whatever issue he had with Detective Beckett, Richard Castle _and_ his family were _off limits_. They were _not_ to be touched if he wanted to live. After your handiwork last year, I sent him a reminder. The hands of the woman he sent to finish the job. One finger at a time. I had assumed he'd gotten the message, but I guess he was just that arrogant."

Through the haze of pain in both of his now destroyed knees, Maddox finally had a moment of clarity. Why the Senator's eyes had been so full of fear. Why it had taken him a year to work up the courage to send him after Richard Castle. Why he had been instructed to use frangible rounds instead of a bullet.

_Everything suddenly made perfect sense now._

"I _might_ have let you walk away, had you decided to cut bait, but the moment you put your hands on my granddaughter, you sealed your own death warrant. Goodbye Mr. Maddox."

Before he finished the sentence, Hunt pulled the trigger twice. Maddox's body jerked from the double tap to the head and was still.

"Castle!"

Hunt pulled the balaclava over his face and moved to the ledge, pulling Kate up over the side. He helped her over to a shady spot and, before she could protest, pressed a stun baton to her back, rendering her unconscious.

He had used his son's house phone to call the police, after making sure Alexis was safe, they would be here shortly. He hated having to leave her trussed up on Richard's office couch like that, but it was better for everyone that way. He would leak his surveillance footage of the roof to Internal Affairs, so Kate's career would not be in jeopardy.

He had saved her life, the rest would be up to her and Richard. He hoped she would make a better daughter-in-law than the last two. That first one, Alexis' mother, was a real piece of work.

It was time for him to disappear.

To fade back into the night like he did so well, until he was needed again. He would be watching, and waiting. Keeping them safe from the shadows like he had always done. His family deserved better, deserved more, but it was the best he could do. This was all he had to give. He loved Martha, but the life he had chosen long before he met her would destroy her. If his family ever needed him again, from the shadows he would rise, like any decent father would.

* * *

_*Author's note* Okay, that is the last regular chapter in this story. I would like to thank Louise McDoogle for being the inspiration to this story, and Dtrekker for providing the cover art at very short notice. __I would once again very much like to thank _Ninjadoc_ Indrani_S for the medical consult. Her assistance was invaluable as always with the late night medical questions._

_I thank you all for your repeated good wishes and reviews. I kinda wish this tale had not served as a foreshadowing of how the finale would go. I could have lived with this just being a product of MY imagination._

_Just an epilogue to bring the chapters to an even number and I'll be able to (again) mark this tale as "complete" so I can get down to business with the 2014 Ficathon._

_See you on the flip side._

_Mark_


	10. Epilogue

**Chapter Ten  
Epilogue**

* * *

_So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters_

Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I don't just say  
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters

Metallica: Nothing else matters

* * *

_Previously_

_He had saved her life, the rest would be up to her and Richard. He hoped she would make a better daughter-in-law than the last two. That first one, Alexis' mother, was a real piece of work._

_It was time for him to disappear._

_To fade back into the night like he did so well, until he was needed again. He would be watching, and waiting. Keeping them safe from the shadows like he had always done. His family deserved better, deserved more, but it was the best he could do. This was all he had to give. He loved Martha, but the life he had chosen long before he met her would destroy her. If his family ever needed him again, from the shadows he would rise, like any decent father would._

* * *

When Kate returned to consciousness, an EMT was kneeling over her, checking her for injuries. She felt like she had been used as a crash test dummy. She hurt everywhere. Her left arm was in a sling, her hand wrapped and two fingers splinted. Her right shoulder was killing her and felt like it had been dislocated and then reset manually. She distantly recalled Maddox stepping on her fingers, forcing all her weight onto that arm. She isn't sure how she had held on as long as she had.

It was obvious, even to a stubborn, prideful, independent woman like herself, that it would be a while before she was able to do anything more strenuous that shuffling papers and making coffee at the precinct. She's pretty sure that from the fire in her chest, that Maddox had at least bruised, if not cracked one of her ribs and the EMT was concerned about possible hairline fractures of at least two of the fingers of her left hand.

When she finally was permitted to rise hesitantly to her feet, two of the CSU operators and Detective Ryan had stepped aside to reveal the glowering visage of Victoria Gates. In that moment, Kate Beckett knew she was in deep shit.

Her unseen, unaccounted for savior had obviously called in the cavalry to see to this crime scene and had obviously stopped first to ascertain Alexis' safety, but she had been found unconscious, her service weapon not a foot from her a short distance from a man who had been kneecapped twice and then shot twice in the head. Making her the prime suspect in a homicide.

Just as she was beginning to accept that Castle was on the mend and her thirteen year nightmare was finally over, the universe had conspired to make it worse.

Without a word, Gates held her hand out and Kate knew without question what she was beckoning for. Without a word in return, she reached down to her belt, removed her badge and placed it in Captain Gates' outstretched hand.

"Detective Beckett, you are suspended with pay pending an Internal Affairs investigation into the unlawful death of Cole Maddox."

Kate nodded, expecting this, but strangely, she didn't care. There was enough circumstantial evidence on this roof to end her career, if not put her in prison for murder. She knew in her head she had made cases with less. Only it didn't matter to her anymore. There was only one place she wanted to go, one person she wanted to see.

Her job, he professional reputation, none of it mattered. She just wanted Castle.

"Be in my office at one o'clock tomorrow, with your union rep, Detective. Internal Affairs will be waiting for you." Captain Gates said without a single ounce of emotion, in her own mind attempting to calculate how many times she has had to make that same declaration in her career before taking command of the 12th Precinct.

Yes, Sir." Kate replied without any real conviction, turning to walk away before she'd even finished saying the words.

She just couldn't seem to bring herself to care. She had no feeling left. She walked toward the roof access door past the CSU officers, Ryan and Esposito without speaking another word. She was going downstairs to collect Alexis then the two of them were going to the hospital to visit Castle now that he was awake and lucid.

Tomorrow would take care of itself.

* * *

The following day at her interview with Internal Affairs Kate walked into the precinct, not only to be met by her union representative, but one of the best criminal defense attorneys in the state, courtesy of Alexis Castle, who produced copies of the security camera footage from the roof of their apartment building.

Footage clearly showing the fight with Maddox. That Kate Beckett had been thrown over the side of the roof. That at the time of Maddox's incapacitation and subsequent death she could clearly be seen hanging from the side of the building. That the man who killed him clearly incapacitated her after pulling her to safety to make his escape before backup could arrive.

He then produced and played the audio of the 911 call center tapes:

_911 dispatcher: "What is the nature of the emergency?"_

_Caller: "A lady cop told me to call 911 said her name was Detective Kate Beckett badge number 41319. She said to tell you an officer needs assistance at 425 Broome Street. A girl was kidnapped and she was in foot pursuit of the subject in the building units to respond code 3."_

_911 dispatcher: "Did the officer tell you anything else?"_

_Caller: "Only that he was armed and considered extremely dangerous."_

_911 dispatcher: "Ok sir, we are dispatching units to the scene." _

"I think we've seen enough, Lieutenant Alvarez, to absolve Detective Beckett of all charges." Kate's union rep stated. "We both know this interview was just a formality. Especially since CSU determined this morning that her service weapon and her backup piece recovered at the scene had clearly not been fired. The surveillance footage shows she was disarmed by a dangerous suspect who intended to kill her in pursuit of her duties. That this other unknown suspect clearly disabled then killed Maddox, and had no desire to compound his crime by murdering a NY City Police Detective."

"Yes, I think we are definitely done here." I.A.B. detective Sylvio Alvarez replied, before getting up to leave. "What do you say Vicky, drinks at _The Old _Haunt? I'm buying."

Gates nodded her approval, she'd heard that their old favorite bar, back when they were partners in Internal Affairs, had come under new management two years back and had become quite the cop hangout. She produced Kate's badge and both of her pistols which Kate took with good grace, masking her confusion.

"Under the circumstances, Detective, I suggest you take some personal time, at least until your injuries heal. You'll be riding a desk for awhile anyway until Dr. Burke clears you."

"Yeah, I've got quite a bit of unused leave time coming from the past year, sir. I think I'll take some." Kate replied.

"I assume that when you come back you will be wanting to bring Mr. Castle with you?"

"Yes sir, that would be my preference." Kate said. With that, her discussion with Captain Gates came to an end.

When Kate got on the elevator, after securing her badge and weapons to her person, and the doors closed she turned to the lawyer and asked,

"What the hell just happened?" Kate was clearly shocked.

Peter Samuels, the Castle family attorney shrugged. "The exculpatory evidence showed up at my office by bike messenger first thing this morning. No note no nothing. It was solid and admissible in court, so I ran with it. Miss Castle told me to pull out all the stops, so I did."

He turned and took her hand, shaking it professionally. "Good luck Detective Beckett, hopefully the next time you need my services it will be to draw up a marriage certificate."

"One can only hope," Kate replied, still mostly in a state of shock, "if he'll have me...we just might take you up on that."

* * *

**Two Years later**

Kate walked down the aisle of folding chairs in her mother's wedding dress, a bouquet of flowers in her hands and her father on her arm. Lanie as her maid of honor trailed close behind her, with Maddie close behind. She and Castle had decided on a low key ceremony. His first two weddings had been glitzy affairs ending in disaster. They both knew this would be it for them, especially after everything they had been through to get this far.

During her own convalescence she'd stayed with Rick, Alexis and Martha in the Hamptons that summer. Though she had admitted her true feelings for him, and his had never really changed, it took time for her to earn back his trust before they truly got together. The first time they had slept together had been magical.

She had done her best not to pull away again, or run when things got serious. Like she had more than once in her life, even before her mother died. It had almost happened only once. A case involving a rich businessman had touched off all of her insecurities about relationships in general. She had spurned his advances, even when she had been ordered to be alone with him in a fancy hotel suite.

But the things Eric Vaughn had said, trying to win her over to get her into his bed, the questions he'd asked about where her relationship with Rick was headed, had sparked off every insecurity she had ever had about relationships. Insecurities she thought had been laid to rest with her mother's case. Not long after that she was offered a job with the Attorney General's office's special task force. She had gone to the interview, without telling anyone. Had lied to Rick about it, twice.

When he'd found the boarding pass to Washington DC and back, he'd been livid at first, then completely defeated as he'd walked out of her apartment. His reaction had devastated her. The look she'd seen on his face that night had been the same one she'd seen after they'd solved the Boylen Place bombing case. And he'd nearly gotten himself killed.

She'd only been exploring her options, in case things didn't work out, but she hadn't thought this through. She hadn't considered how he would react, especially to her lying about it, but she realized she should have. She should have seen this coming, and yet she had done it anyway. She remembered sitting up in her apartment all that night listening for the phone, hoping it would ring and praying that it wouldn't.

When they'd met on the swings a few days later, the same swings where they had done this before, when she's come back from the summer she'd been from, she'd been filled with a sense of inescapable dread. It had been the sound of his voice on the phone. He was still hurt.

Just when she'd thought that she'd finally done it. That she had finally completely driven him away. He got down on one knee, and asked for her hand in marriage. She was floored. When she was able to untie her tongue she said yes.

Though, as it turned out, the job had been a non-issue. The extensive background check by the FBI for her high level security clearance had turned up a surprise, a marriage she had long thought to be a joke, but as it turned out, Rogan, being the scumbag she later learned he was had filed the paperwork that morning.

His long string of felonies across multiple states had raised a red flag that had cost her any hope of a security clearance. Not that she really cared about the job anymore. She'd come to the conclusion that the job had not been the one Stack had sold her on.

An hour in the box had Rogan signing the annulment papers. He'd tried to weasel his way back into her life, then tried to extort her for money but he hadn't realized how scary she could be when she wanted something. Esposito glaring at him from the back corner of interview room two certainly helped. He had three outstanding warrants, so he wound up going away for twenty years.

All of that leading up to this day. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't simple, but it was theirs. Their union, unbreakable. One no man, woman or deep fried twinkie could put asunder.

Always.

* * *

_*Author's note* There it is, all done. Not bad for a story that was supposed to be a one shot. I would like to thank all of those responsible for their contributions._

_Louise McDoogle: It was her words that started me on this wild ride. In spite of our current disagreement about the finale of season 6, I still could not have written this had it not been for her._

_Detective Angie ( Detrekker) for the lovely cover art, as always._

_NinjaDoc ( Indani_S) For the medical advice and consultation on how to talk to the family of a patient suffering from trauma. She told me my thanks were enough, but I thanked her again by basing a character on her and NOT having her words come from the mouth of Dr. Motorcycle Boy. _

_For all of my readers who were patient with me, even though I had put Castle in this particular bind...again. Thank you all very much._

_Mark_


End file.
